The Filing Cabinet Is Jammed:
Also GitHub Sends a Vague Invoice

The 'Privacy' Intern Accidentally CC'd Everyone on the Confidential Data

We have received confirmation that the browser extension group known as Urban VPN has achieved a new milestone in operational inefficiency by attempting to organize its eight million users' browser data. Instead of keeping the paperwork neatly filed in the "Private" folder, the entire stack of confidential AI conversations was accidentally sold on the open market.

The firm was simply trying to provide a utility for digital anonymity but somehow managed to convert its entire user base's therapy session logs and novel writing prompts into a cash asset. This data, which included detailed back-and-forths with models like ChatGPT, was not protected; it was merely repackaged and traded, demonstrating an admirable commitment to the circular economy of digital information. The security firm Koi.ai discovered the oversight, which we can only assume was caused by an overly aggressive 'Ctrl+A, Delete' command gone wrong during a routine cleanup.

The IT Department Will Now Charge for Looking at Your Own Server

Microsoft, via its GitHub subsidiary, has announced what it calls "Simpler pricing" for GitHub Actions. This is, of course, corporate jargon for a new and highly imaginative line item on your monthly invoice. Specifically, the "Control Plane," which is the administrative overhead of coordinating your self-hosted automation infrastructure, will no longer be provided as a complimentary service.

Previously, if you were using your own hardware (a "self-hosted runner") to execute your builds, the management layer was free. Effective next year, you will be paying per runner for the privilege of telling your own machine what to do. The new policy, which GitHub insists is simpler, has been received by the engineering community with the weary patience one reserves for a mandatory company-wide password change.

Inter-Office Fundraiser Monies Filed Under "Personal Use"

A multi-million dollar charity drive intended for children's cancer treatments has unfortunately encountered a documentation mishap, according to reports. Instead of the funds reaching the designated accounts for medical care, a number of individuals decided to reallocate the donations for their own operational expenditures, or as the BBC puts it, they scammed millions from the fundraised amount.

This incident serves as a crucial reminder that when dealing with paperwork, especially the kind involving vast sums of money and human fragility, one must be meticulous. It is never malice; it is merely a complex clerical error where the 'Recipient' field on the wire transfer form was accidentally set to 'Fraudster.'

Briefs

• Creative Department Update: Apple announced SHARP, a new machine learning model to create photorealistic views from a single image. The model is apparently so good it can generate an expense report that auditors will believe.
• Management Shuffle: Mozilla is attempting a "next chapter" by appointing Anthony Enzor-Demeo as its new CEO. The board is now holding its breath to see if a fresh set of hands can keep the lights on in the sprawling open-source warehouse.
• Feature Sunset: Microsoft is officially deactivating VS Code's IntelliCode in favor of pushing the paid Copilot. It is not feature removal; it is simply removing the free office supplies to encourage the purchase of the premium stationery.