The Filing Cabinet Has Feelings Now:
We assure you, this is only for 'improved personalized ad delivery.'

The New Employee Monitoring Policy Reads Your Thoughts, But Only The "Brain-Wide Signal"

Meta has apparently been working on a new internal tool that can observe an employee's "brain-wide signal," which is only slightly more invasive than the mandatory bi-weekly desk audits. The philosophical implication isn't whether the AI model can read the signal, but why the brain itself hasn't figured out a way to use this signal for improved internal resource allocation, or at least remember to reply to that Slack message from three days ago.

Management assures us that this development is not about reading your thoughts on the new cafeteria food. It's purely an exercise in "data alignment." If the AI can observe the signal, it's just following the company mandate to leverage all available telemetry for 'optimizing the human-computer interface'—a process that currently requires three VPs, an offshore team, and a series of mandatory, poorly-lit video calls. It’s simply another mandatory software update for the human condition.

New Style Guide Update Bans Code Not Written By A Human Who Is Currently Not On PTO

The GNOME Desktop Environment Review Board has issued a stern, all-caps memo: all new Shell Extensions must be human-authored. Apparently, the new rule forbids extensions made using AI-generated code, treating it like the tech equivalent of bringing an unauthorized desk plant into the office. The fear is that the generative models are submitting code without proper indentation and, worse, without having filed a JIRA ticket first.

This is less a stand for artistic integrity and more a fight over which team gets to decide the approved color palette for the 'About' dialog box. The underlying concern is, of course, that an AI might write code that actually works the first time, thereby setting an impossible and unsustainable standard for the rest of the engineering department.

The Apple vs. Epic Office Feud Continues, Now With More Contempt

In what is now simply the longest-running, most expensive corporate drama, Apple has lost its appeal in the ongoing contempt case with Epic Games. The disagreement boils down to whether Apple is following the court's instruction to make the "Buy" button visible, or if they just moved the button's CSS file to a directory three levels deeper and declared it "compliant."

Apple is understandably frustrated that the court system keeps hitting 'Reply All' on their internal legal memos, forcing them to adhere to the new filing structure. This entire debacle is a perfect illustration of two departments—Legal and Product—that refuse to look at each other's documentation, causing a minor, multi-billion-dollar workflow issue.

Briefs

• CMS Hypocrisy: A new post argues you should never build a CMS, which is a lot like a plumber telling you to never fix your own leaky faucet while he is actively fixing your leaky faucet.
• Intel's Receipt: Intel is nearing a $1.6B deal to acquire AI chip startup SambaNova. This is just the corporate version of buying a bigger, more complicated server rack that does the exact same thing as the old one, but requires new training.
• Apple Account Lockdown: Redeeming a gift card is now apparently a critical security violation that triggers a full account lock. You should be punished for attempting to purchase their products.