GPT-5.2: Now With More Spreadsheet
Mickey Mouse Enters the Latent Space

OpenAI Updates the Spreadsheets

OpenAI announced GPT-5.2 this week, a model that promises to be slightly less confident when it hallucinates legal precedents. The big selling point is "GDPval," a benchmark that measures how well the AI can perform tasks that usually make junior analysts question their life choices. Apparently, the new model is 40% better at staring at Excel columns until the numbers make sense, which is a feature the human workforce has been trying to deprecate for decades.

The release comes amidst a "Code Red" panic because Google released a model that can read faster. Naturally, OpenAI insists this update is about "reasoning," which in corporate-speak means it takes longer to generate the wrong answer. It is a bold strategy to market latency as "thinking," but if anyone can sell a loading bar as a feature, it is the company that convinced us a autocomplete bot was sentient.

Disney Uploads Mickey to the Cloud

The Walt Disney Company is investing $1 billion in OpenAI, presumably to ensure that when Skynet takes over, it does so with a whimsical musical number. The deal allows OpenAI's video generator, Sora, to legally reproduce Mickey Mouse, a character whose copyright protection has historically been more robust than most nation-state borders.

This partnership introduces "human-centered AI," a phrase that means absolutely nothing. Disney claims there will be guardrails to prevent users from generating a depressed Goofy filing for divorce, but the internet views "guardrails" as a challenge rather than a safety feature. We are approximately three weeks away from a generated Steamboat Willie explaining cryptocurrency scams.

Apple's Courageous Typing Experience

It appears Apple has broken the iOS keyboard, a feature that was arguably the most important part of the phone. Users report that typing a "U" results in a "J," a level of gaslighting that usually requires a subscription. The bug has persisted through multiple updates, suggesting that Apple believes spelling is a legacy concept that interferes with the minimalist aesthetic.

Video evidence shows the software acknowledging the correct tap and then spitefully inserting the wrong letter anyway. It is a stunning display of "it just works" energy. Apple has yet to comment, likely because their PR team is trying to type a press release and it keeps coming out as "we are aware of the issje."

Briefs

• Rivian: The electric truck maker unveiled custom silicon because apparently, you are not a real tech company until you print your own sand. They also announced a "Large Driving Model," which sounds suspiciously like they taught a chatbot to merge in traffic.
• React: A new vulnerability in React Server Components allows a single polite request to crash the server. It is a gentle reminder that the modern web is held together by three lines of JavaScript and a prayer.
• Meta: The company formerly known for poking shut down accounts linked to sensitive health advice. It is a classic move from the "Connect the World" company to disconnect the parts of the world that are inconvenient for ad revenue.