Microsoft Closes Employee Local Account Loophole
Also seahorse emoji chaos and falling satellites.

IT Policy Update: Please Enjoy Your Mandatory Cloud-Based Keycard

Microsoft is actively patching security vulnerabilities which the company defines as any remaining method for a user to install Windows 11 without a mandatory Microsoft Account and internet connection. The popular bypassnro command, which was beloved by system administrators everywhere, has been removed. Microsoft is framing the removal of these "known mechanisms" as a necessary move to prevent "incomplete setups" that may leave a device not fully configured for use.

The company is, however, still allowing a small customization option to rename the default user folder during the initial setup experience, a move which has been widely celebrated for its limited personalization within the now mandatory online process. This is merely the latest example of the operating system deciding what is best for the end user; we assume the next patch will prevent users from using third-party coffee mugs near the keyboard for security purposes.

The Intern's Browser Finally Passes Compliance

Ladybird, the independent and open source web browser, has finally crossed the finish line by achieving an over 90 percent compliance rate on the web-platform-tests suite. This score is a major milestone for the project led by developer Andreas Kling. The 90 percent mark is a key requirement set by Apple for any non-WebKit based alternative browser engine to be considered viable on the iOS platform in compliance with the European Union's Digital Markets Act.

The little browser that could is now meeting the arbitrary threshold of the trillion-dollar company. Now we can all collectively hold our breath and wait for the inevitable next set of compliance standards, probably requiring 95 percent compliance by the end of the fiscal quarter.

New AI Assistant Freezes When Shown Ocean Life

Large Language Models continue to perform well until you mention the seahorse emoji, a non-existent symbol that causes the AI to enter a crisis loop. When asked, models like LLaMA 3 and Claude will confidently affirm that a seahorse emoji exists, a belief they likely inherited from humans who also misremember its existence in what is described as a collective "Mandela Effect".

The issue arises when the internal concept of "seahorse + emoji" is translated into the actual output token; since the emoji is not in the model’s vocabulary, the AI simply spits out a random fish or horse emoji and spirals into a self-correcting doom loop. It is reassuring to know that the fate of human civilization rests on an architecture that breaks down over a fictional water horse.

Hardware Division Signs Exclusive Napkin Deal with the Interns

Advanced Micro Devices, or AMD, has finalized a massive multi-year agreement to supply its high-performance AI chips to OpenAI. The deal is not just for chips; it is also a leveraged asset play, as the agreement gives OpenAI the option to acquire up to a 10 percent equity stake in AMD.

This corporate arrangement ensures that the primary consumers of the AI infrastructure hardware are now also part-owners of the company that makes the chips, further tightening the incestuous circle of the AI economy. The total value of the deal is expected to net AMD tens of billions of dollars in annual revenue. This seems like a perfectly stable business model that is not at all based on imaginary future revenue.

Briefs

• Archive Bloat: The Internet Archive is celebrating the milestone of one trillion web pages archived. The company's storage admins are reportedly not celebrating as they watch their quarterly budget disappear into the black hole of digital history.
• Orbital Debris Management: One to two Starlink satellites are reportedly falling back to Earth each day. The old generation is starting to expire, turning our upper atmosphere into a perpetual fireworks show of burning metal, which is surely a feature, not a bug.
• Web Design Minimalism: A new trend piece highlights the least amount of CSS for a decent looking site. Design is now complete; we can all stop trying.