Court Redefines Nuclear Energy's Label
Also Crypto Keys are Now a Fireable Offense

The Compliance Department Finally Signs Off on the Big Expense Report

The European Union’s General Court has officially reclassified nuclear energy, alongside fossil gas, as an "environmentally sustainable" investment under the EU Taxonomy Regulation, effectively declaring the paperwork finally matches the reality. This highly anticipated administrative update dismisses the case brought forward by Austria and other concerned entities who apparently misunderstood the memo regarding what constitutes the color green in a fiscal spreadsheet.

The court affirmed that the European Commission was completely within its rights to take the position that nuclear power generation has near zero greenhouse gas emissions and is a viable, continuous alternative for energy demand that renewables cannot yet cover at sufficient scale. The entire proceeding is a perfect example of how the planet's fate is decided not by science or ecology, but by which bureaucrats in Luxembourg get to write the final definition for the official company lexicon. Billions in investment capital are now free to flow, having been blessed by the highest-level signature possible on the company's internal compliance form.

The Privacy Platform Accidentally Hits 'Reply All' on the Subpoena

Proton Mail, a service that bases its entire corporate identity on being a “neutral and safe haven” for your digital correspondence, has had a slight oopsie in their strict zero-log policy. The company disabled email accounts belonging to journalists who were reporting on security breaches in various South Korean government systems, all at the request of an unspecified cybersecurity agency.

The accounts were eventually reinstated after a public relations fire alarm went off for multiple weeks, but not before Proton tried to pivot the narrative by suggesting the users were "hactivists" violating the terms of service, rather than reporters who were following responsible disclosure best practices. The whole episode is a critical reminder that "end-to-end encrypted" is just corporate jargon for "we will only open your mail if someone with a better badge asks nicely," which is an embarrassing admission for a company that prides itself on being the digital Fort Knox.

The New Server Room Key Policy Will Require Biometric Data and Three Letters of Reference

The US Treasury Department is reportedly expanding the reach of the Patriot Act, the old favorite office security manual, to specifically target Bitcoin self custody and decentralized protocols. This is the government equivalent of the IT department requiring a 17-step verification process, including an in-person retinal scan, just to retrieve a thumb drive you left on your own desk.

The expansion aims to reclassify software developers, miners, and even node operators as a new breed of financial gatekeeper, forcing them to adopt Anti-Money Laundering procedures. Basically, if you write code that even *touches* money, you now have to fill out the same paperwork as a major Wall Street bank, which is a great way to guarantee that only major Wall Street banks will write code that touches money. The bureaucracy is pleased with its efficiency.

Briefs

• Character Encoding: A love letter to UTF-8. It is a brilliant design, which must be a shock to all the programmers who thought the entire digital world was built on duct tape and borrowed time.
• Language Models: The next Qwen model, Qwen3-Next, is here. Get ready for a fresh batch of PowerPoint decks about how this one will finally change everything, until Qwen4-Next arrives next week.
• Floating Point Inaccuracy: A detailed look at float errors. It is comforting to know that the fundamental mathematical errors the system was built on are now so well-documented they have their own minimalist website.