Google Creates More Mandatory Paperwork
Also: A Famous Writer is Sent to Facebook Jail and x86 Still Has 'Meetings'

The New Security Theater: Mandatory Badge Checks for the Breakroom

It appears that Google, which runs the world's largest mobile operating system, has finally looked at the messy developer roster and decided to tidy up. The new policy states that Android will allow only apps from verified developers to be installed, which is corporate-speak for 'we got tired of cleaning up after unapproved pizza parties'. The company’s security team has seemingly decided the best way to prevent someone from bringing a stray dog into the office is to require everyone to fill out a 27-page form confirming they are, in fact, a person and not three bad actors in a trench coat.

The general sentiment in the hallways is that this is less about stopping malicious code and more about ensuring the correct compliance box is ticked before the next quarterly review. The burden of proof, as always, falls to the small-time developers who are now scrambling to find the right department to get their 'Verified' sticker. It is the classic corporate oopsie: fix a massive structural problem by adding a small, irritating step to the onboarding process for the people who were not the problem to begin with.

Meta Mistakenly Files a Corporate Icon in the Spam Folder

Meta, the social platform that runs Facebook, has once again demonstrated that its content moderation system operates with the cold, unfeeling efficiency of a government DMV line. The company temporarily suspended the Facebook account of Neal Stephenson, the critically acclaimed author who essentially wrote the blueprint for the metaverse decades ago. This is a classic case of the machine not recognizing the founder of the religion it is supposed to be serving.

The suspension was likely the result of an intern hitting the wrong key on a Tuesday afternoon. It is hard to attribute the incident to anything resembling a coordinated strategy; it is simply what happens when you replace human context with an algorithm trained by three-week-old data and a mandate to "increase engagement" by any means necessary. Mr. Stephenson, who wrote Snow Crash, was released from 'Facebook Jail' shortly after, presumably once the system realized it had tried to ban its own origin story.

x86 Is Still Stuck in Legacy Planning Meetings

The endless debate about why the x86 architecture has not caught up with Apple’s M series chips is less about physics and more about middle management. The question on everyone’s mind is Why hasn't x86 caught up with Apple M series?, and the answer is probably 'too many committees'. While Apple just decided to build a better engine, the x86 camp is still saddled with a 40-year legacy of software, hardware, and political debt that requires a seven-hour meeting just to approve a font change in a driver.

The silicon giants are trying their hardest, but trying to evolve x86 is like trying to turn a 747 into a fighter jet while it is mid-flight, carrying all the passengers from the last three decades of computing history. They will get there eventually; just as soon as the compliance team signs off on the new power-saving microcode.

Briefs

• Color Palettes: Everyone is suddenly obsessed with What are OKLCH colors?. It is yet another attempt by the design team to reinvent the color blue and prove their existence to the engineering department.
• Robocall Management: The FCC is finally barring providers for non-compliance with robocall protections. This is the government equivalent of sending a sternly worded memo to a department that has been actively ignoring all emails for a fiscal quarter.
• Marketing Miracles: Blacksky somehow grew to millions of users without spending a dollar. This is proof that if your product is useful, the market will find you, and also proof that your marketing budget could probably be zero.