Microsoft absorbed GitHub unit for efficiency
Also, a Todo app is just a plain text file.

The Efficiency Restructuring Event (Code Name: Assimilation)

GitHub, the repository giant that everyone pretended was a cool, indie label when Microsoft bought it, has now been assigned a permanent desk in the corporate cubicle farm. The dream of independence is officially over. Former CEO Thomas Dohmke resigned his role, and Microsoft integrated the unit into its new 'Core AI' team. This is not a malicious act; it is simply what happens when a team lead realizes he has two separate budget lines for the same thing: generating code that sounds vaguely professional.

The entire separation was always a fun, five year probationary period. Now the GitHub team gets to learn the joy of using internal Microsoft tools for expense reports and the new branding guidelines for their internal READMEs. The transition highlights the beautiful, predictable corporate gravity that pulls all acquired entities into the inescapable orbit of a single, monolithic, slightly awkward org chart.

The Productivity Industrial Complex Finally Fails

A weary soul on the internet finally confessed that after trying literally every single task management application, they decided to ditch the dashboards, the syncing, and the proprietary formats. The winner, naturally, was a plain .txt file. This triumph of simplicity over the software industry's attempt to sell complexity is both deeply satisfying and profoundly depressing.

The community reaction was a mix of relief and crushing self-awareness; the entire software industry has spent a decade building increasingly complex ways to manage the two things we need to do today. Now, all that cognitive overhead is gone, replaced by the beautiful simplicity of ASCII. The next generation of Todo app will just be a wrapper around a .txt file, sold for a $9.99 monthly subscription that promises 'zero friction onboarding'.

Charity Tries to Explain that It Is Not Facebook to Parliament

The Wikimedia Foundation is now locked in a legal battle with the UK government over its misguided Online Safety Act. The legislation is clearly designed to deal with the Megacorps like Meta and X, platforms that move fast and break democracy. However, due to some exquisite bureaucratic wording, Wikipedia, a nonprofit that asks you for five dollars once a year, has found itself targeted.

The Foundation lost an initial challenge against the regulations, meaning its legal team has to explain, in detail, why having a page about Black Holes is not the same as promoting illegal content with a sophisticated, personalized algorithm. The battle continues, proving once again that legislation meant to fix a broken supply chain will inevitably lead to the library being forced to install an ID scanner. The effort to define 'Big Tech' always seems to accidentally ensnare the smallest, least funded entity in the room.

Briefs

• AOL's Final Good-Bye: The company everyone assumed died in 2005 is officially discontinuing dial-up internet. It is a moment of silence for the screeching modem, the You've Got Mail sound, and the realization that somewhere, until today, someone was paying fifteen dollars a month for a 56k connection.
• Tesla's Remote Shutdown Mishap: After a rapper sang a song critical of the Cybertruck, Tesla allegedly remotely deactivated their vehicle. This is the new, fun version of brand loyalty; the car gets to decide if your critique is constructive.
• Chrome Bug Bounty: A security researcher was awarded $250,000 by Google for finding a critical vulnerability. The payout is roughly the same cost as an entry level house in a low cost of living area.