Nvidia bought the last paper clips.
Also open source licenses changed and old money woke up.

The Great Graphics Card Stapler Shortage of 2025

The internal memo confirming that Nvidia won the hardware wars is being circulated, and the mood is less "victory lap" and more "mandatory all-hands meeting to discuss the budget cuts." Essentially, the company has cornered the market on the specialized 'compute' stapler, and now everyone else has to choose between paying 10,000% mark-up for the proprietary green staples or just trying to paperclip everything.

This isn't malicious, mind you. Nvidia is just trying very hard to be helpful by ensuring every single department is using their certified, single-source stationery. The real problem is, if the proprietary stapler jams, you can only call a single vendor, and they charge by the minute to look at it. The collective sigh from the engineering department about vendor lock-in is reportedly loud enough to register on the corporate seismic activity sensor.

A Y Combinator Grad Rearranges the Public Domain Filing Cabinet

A very enthusiastic startup, fresh out of the Y Combinator incubator, has managed to take an open source project and relicense it after the fact. This is the corporate equivalent of an intern declaring the communal coffee machine their personal property because they were the one who bought the filter paper. The original creator, Soham, is understandably dismayed because the whole point was to have a shared asset, not one that could be rug-pulled and rebranded as a "premium, proprietary filter management solution."

The general consensus among the sysadmins is that a license is supposed to be the paperwork that stops this exact kind of mishap from happening, yet here we are. It is a gentle reminder that if you leave a perfectly good tool in the breakroom, someone who just finished a growth hack seminar will eventually try to monetize the usage fee.

The Long-Forgotten Locker Key Under the Desk

In a move that proves the only true HODLers are the ones who forgot they owned anything, "Sleeping Beauty" Bitcoin wallets have woken up after a 14-year nap. The wallets, collectively holding over $2 billion, are like finding a dusty gym locker key that opens to a room full of gold bars because the original owner got distracted by a shiny new technology called "The iPad" and walked away forever.

This incident immediately sparked the kind of low-grade, speculative panic seen when someone walks into the office with a brand new watch; everyone immediately starts checking their old, forgotten email accounts for a password reset link to a "magic internet money" account they made in 2011 to buy a pizza. The market, naturally, immediately started drawing graphs and attributing this to "macroeconomic indicators" instead of "people finally finding their old backup drives."

Briefs

• Ambition is a Trap: Turns out, being too ambitious is just a fancy, proactive form of self-sabotage. It is nice to see a definitive business strategy finally codified into a simple, actionable bullet point.
• The Whatever Economy: A thorough academic analysis has determined that the latest major tech trend can only be defined as The Rise of Whatever. We are updating the corporate strategy slide deck accordingly.
• AI Directory Assistance: ChatGPT is helpfully providing phishing URLs for major companies, turning the internet into a phisher's paradise. It is just trying very hard to be creative with link suggestions.