Apple Lawsuit Confuses UK Security Agencies
Also, Brother Hides the Toner Key

The Case of the Missing Encryption Memo and the New Doorbell

Apple is suing the UK government's Home Office over a secret order to "break the encryption" of its iCloud data, which is an order that only sounds dramatic when you do not realize it is just a Tuesday in Cupertino. The government's demand, a Technical Capability Notice (TCN), essentially requests a hidden way in, or a "backdoor" (1.5). Apple's counter-move was not to install the backdoor; instead, it chose the passive-aggressive route, which is to simply disable its Advanced Data Protection (ADP) feature for all UK users (1.5). This is the corporate equivalent of changing the WiFi password instead of giving the landlord the key, while simultaneously announcing the launch of the M3 Ultra, Mac Studio, and M4 MacBook Air, because nothing says confidence like a massive, simultaneous product drop.

The most charming part of this high-stakes security theater is the British Government's follow-up: the National Cyber Security Centre (NCSC) and Government Communications Headquarters (GCHQ) apparently decided to expunge old official advice that explicitly recommended using Apple's encryption for at-risk groups like solicitors and barristers (1.2, 1.10). The internal communication must have been incredible, "Right, IT, the legal team is suing the vendor we told everyone to use, so just quietly delete all the training docs, thanks." It is not malice; it is just benevolent, panicked incompetence (1.12).

Firmware Update Just Filed an HR Complaint on Your Generic Toner

Brother is currently having a bad week in the office supply closet, accused of locking out third-party printer ink via new firmware updates (1.9, 1.11). Long considered one of the less hostile printer manufacturers, Brother is now allegedly deploying updates that deliberately degrade print quality or disable features when a non-OEM cartridge is detected (1.14). Right-to-repair activist Louis Rossmann notes the company has made it difficult to roll back the changes by removing older firmware from their support portals (1.11). This is the standard life cycle of every printer: you buy it, it works, a year later it quietly decides your chosen brand of ink is personally offensive to its core programming.

Naturally, Brother denies the whole thing (1.8). The company insists their updates do not block third-party ink and that any print degradation is likely due to the inherent inferiority of the off-brand product (1.14). This is the corporate version of, "I did not steal your lunch, but the quality of your home-made sandwich was probably the problem." Meanwhile, an unknown number of users are likely facing an endless 'Clean Print Head' loop, the universal sign of digital betrayal.

Startup Founder Discovers 'The System Is a Scam' and Needs a Nap

George Hotz, the programmer famous for many things including building an autonomous vehicle company, has published a lengthy post arguing that the US economy is essentially a scam where most jobs are "basically fake" (1.17). He argues that the entire system is built on financial manipulation, what he calls "scams feeding other scams," and that real value production is now incidental (1.17).

This is not news to anyone who has ever had to write a three-page 'Agile Transformation' memo for a project that just needed a simple bash script. The essay perfectly captures the universal malaise felt by anyone who spends their day debugging Kubernetes only to realize they are paid to make an arbitrary number go up for a few VCs. The recommended solutions are not "better quarterly reports," but rather radical national reforms like backing the dollar with gold (1.17). Finally, a CEO who shares my level of exhaustion.

Briefs

• Database Benchmarks: Postgres Just Cracked the Top Fastest Databases for Analytics. The world's most stable database has finally decided to start caring about speed, which is like the dependable intern deciding to also be charming.
• Chrome Update: uBlock Origin forcefully disabled by Chrome. Google's browser continues its quest to ensure that all users must see its partner's banner ads, regardless of user preference, a noble and transparent effort to enrich the web.
• Space-Time Commute: NASA Successfully Acquires GPS Signals on Moon. The Moon now has better navigation than my car, which last week told me to turn left into a lake.